Friday, November 27, 2009

We are here for you, but. . .

The holiday season is here and although we will do whatever we can to make sure your visit with us is pleasurable, there are a couple of dos and don’ts you should be aware of if you will be visiting us this season.

1. Please do not request a Barnes & Noble gift certificate.
Depending on our mood when waiting on you, we may politely offer you a gift certificate to our store or we may print off a homemade certificate to our competitor and let them explain why they won’t accept it.
2. Do not ask us to go on Amazon and order a book for you so you do not have to enter your credit card number online.
We would be happy to find the same title at one of our reputable out of print book dealers.
3. If you are interested in a book that went out of print in 1941, do not demand that we sell it to you for the cover price of a quarter even though it is now valued at $150.00.
4. Even if you have written and self published the only book your grandma ever read, (although she won’t even pay the $25 cover price on your paperback), do not email us the week before Thanksgiving demanding a book signing before Christmas.
Likewise, do not request a table in the store for you to sell copies yourself to your friends and family.
5. We apologize, but if you order a book on Christmas Eve, chances are you will not have it under the tree Christmas morning.
The week before shouldn’t be a problem.
Unless, like last year, the entire state is snowed in and your order is stranded in a city three hours away until UPS finally is able to deliver it to our home at 6pm on Christmas Eve.
If that were to happen again, we may not be able to deliver it to your door until 7pm.
6. If your son is in jail, we would be happy to mail him the books you purchase here depending on the rules of the jail.
Unfortunately, we can not mail out books you brought from home even if you did “tuck a little something in the pages” for him.
7. I realize you may be looking for a way to save; however we do not accept used books for store credit during the holiday season.
Any other month of the year we still will not give you $2 credit for a paperback with a $0.25 rummage sale price tag still on it.
8. If you purchase new children or young adult books to donate for the Christmas Toy program, we will be happy to give you a discount.
You may bring in new books purchased elsewhere, but we will not pay you a percent of the cover price.

I like to think of myself as a creative person. But not even I can make some of these up. Each of them is a real scenario from the past four years. If you recognize yourself in one, thank you for the chuckle!